So I was going to have my first "blog" post be on my makeup routine, which I still plan on doing. But before I do that I want to be real with you all. This isn't a site to come and solely look at the latest fashion trends (which, probably isn't me anyway, I just wear what I like), or to talk about makeup (I do love makeup though). It is part of that, sure! But I am not going to sit and say that everyday is rainbows, daisies, unicorns, glitter and sunshine. I want to make it mostly that. However in order to get to that, you have to hit some bumps in the road. I have hit so many bumps.... more like sink holes really, the last few years. So for me this is trying as best I can, despite the health issues, and everything that goes on that no one really likes to talk about. This is me finally sharing some of my story. Obviously not everything, but to me this is kind of therapeutic. And it is fun when times are bad to look at the better, more exciting things in life. So that is why I started this site. It can be a place where anyone who is in any bad situation can come, and hopefully make you smile. When you deal with health issues, it is a rollercoaster of emotions similar to the 7 Stages of Grief:
- SHOCK & DENIAL
- PAIN & GUILT
- ANGER & BARGAINING ****Unfortunately anger tends to come first in my case and I acknowledge that, then I just bottle it up and say "I'm doing fine"****
- "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS *****Definitely have and still do struggle with this one.****
- THE UPWARD TURN
- RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
- ACCEPTANCE & HOPE ****The last steps do not happen overnight, they just get easier to deal with and cope. You may never fully get over them.
I am going to go so far out of my comfort zone now, and share my struggles with my health. Starting from the very beginning. This long so you might want to grab a drink and snack.
On September 15th, 2004 I was diagnosed with Diabetes, almost exactly one week after my 12th birthday. I had just gotten my husky (who was a puppy), my precious blue eyed girl. My daddy decided to take my brother and I to the Tennessee Valley Fair. While my momma and Mimi (Grandmother) went over to a Fleetwood Mac concert. I had been feeling so weak, constantly wanted water and to sit down.... which was so not normal for me. I was a very active kid, and never got weak or achy. I remember we ended up going home and I went to lay down and fell asleep. Next I remember is getting up and throwing up. and then passing out in the bathroom floor. Somehow my momma got me back to my bed, and that is the last I remember. My parents thought maybe I had caught a bug, but had suspicions and concerns.
Apparently I had gone to sleep after my momma got me back to my "Princess Canopy Bed" and I slept the whole rest of the night and all the next day. Long enough that my daddy came to check on me, and then he called for my momma. They immediately noticed I was barely breathing, and I would not wake up no matter what. The breaths I was getting were very shallow, and they know I needed to get to the Children's Hospital fast.
Side Note: My new little blue eyed guard dog, Patches blocked the EMT workers from getting to me in my room. She stood guard and growled and barked. That bonded us for life!
So the paramedics get there, and this one apparently took one look at me and said, "oh she is Anorexic!" and that made my mother furious. She told her she is not that, something else is wrong. That is when she said well if she isn't, than she is a diabetic. They checked my blood sugar, but since I was uncurious I have no idea what it was, but I know it was high. I had been hearing the she is anorexic rummers, or the she looks sickly, she is too skinny, that whole summer. I weighed 72 pounds.
After being in the ICU for two days, they were just getting ready to put me on a ventilator and had "that talk" with my parents about my survival odds. And I woke up, and said I wanted my mommy. No one told me right away what had happened, but I knew it was bad because literally my entire from both sides where either already there or on their way. I think I spent about two weeks in the hospital essentially going through Diabetes boot camp (I'll add photos if I can get them, I have never seen them myself). The hard part was I felt like myself, but also like a completely different person as well. I had to grow up fast. Plus we were moving and had a timeframe that we had to move, so the house in my princess bed, is not what I came home too. I came home to a new house. I had been living on a big land in the country, and now I was living smack-dab in the city, so yet another change. Plus I did not pack my own stuff obviously, so everything was thrown in boxes, and some stuff just thrown away. I had no clothes that fit me, because I had been in a girls 7-8 size clothes. And now I was gaining a normal weight, but when you are barely 12 and literally your whole world just got turned upside down. It was just too much, so I shut down, I had very little memory, but every time I asked about it everyone got upset. So I stopped asking. My vision was very much effected, which is common and it came back after about a month or so. But I got so behind in school due to that, and everything else. I didn't cry, for another two weeks. I remember I was in the kitchen of the new house that I hated, and I dropped my monitor or something and I just threw the whole case and fell to my knees and sobbed. My daddy picked me up and put me on his lap. He said "I know this is hard, and I wish I could take it away for you, but I can't. So you have to be strong." and after that I was good. I think I had just needed someone to tell me it was all going to be okay, rather than me being the one saying it. My Pap (my daddy's Dad, who died 4 years ago very suddenly on March 16th, 2014), I owe that man my sanity through those dark days. He called me every day to talk to me, tell me stories of kids battling cancer, and read me bible scriptures. At the time I will admit, I was selfish and couldn't see past my own situation. But now that I am older I cherish those long phones, and really wish he was here to get me through the tough times now. When I was first diagnosed I went to one support group and realized that, that was so not for me. I did not want to be look at as different, and was so tired at this point of everyone treating me like a porcelain doll that was bound to break at any second. So I just didn't want to talk about it. I went years not telling anyone, unless it was a coach or someone that had to know. I finally told a friend, and then slowly I was comfortable enough to tell more. But that took over four years. Now I don't mind talking about it, because it made me strong, and if I can say anything to anyone else going through that, is you will be okay, it sucks but it does get easier to accept.
So fast forward to 2012, I randomly started having these severe pains in my right side of my abdomen. I sent to the ER and primary doctors, but the tests were a;ll showing up as fine. But not being able to eat, throwing up every day, having shape intense pain and losing weight for six months straight is not normal.... and dangerous when you are a diabetic, because that affects everything. Finally after going to a GI doctor they sent me to a surgeon for an exploratory and sure enough I was right, It was my gallbladder, had adhesion's all over it and was stuck to either my liver or stomach.... I am now pain free. Sometimes I can't eat certain things, but it usually isn't a problem anymore.
Tip: Tums are your best friend.
I am going to end this part here, and continue in a separate post about the shoulder issue. If you have stuck around and read this, you are a real pal and deserve a prize or a cookie.
To be continued.....